15- This Love

"There's a weird pleasure in loving someone who doesn't love you."

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Many people have been experiencing an unrequited love. But what is unrequited love? According to research, unrequited love or one-sided love is love not that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection or consciously reject it. It is the love that is not returned. Whether you are the one who loves or is loved, it can be painful experience. The hurt is real but you're not alone.

This love have been part of our humanity. We can't consider ourselves human if we don't experienced this kind of love. I, myself have also this kind of love and also an unconditional love. Wiz Khalifa said "The worst feeling is pretending you don't care about something, when really it's all you seem to think about." Sometimes, you just gotta be your own hero and save your own little heart. Because sometimes, the people you can't imagine living, can actually live without you. I just want to share my experience on this love.

I've devoted all of my life in that love. When I tend to fall on someone, I knew that it's only me who'll be making a move. I still don't receive the kind of love that I'm wanting (I'm preferring to the partner-kind of a relationship). But as the bible said. there is a time for everything.

I knew from the very start that I will only hurt myself, but then I couldn't stop myself on loving that person. I tried so many times, but still I can't. I'm confused, pissed, agonized and exasperated. I can't live my life without loving someone, don't know why.

If I started to fall on a person (obviously), I'll do anything to make them happy and satisfied. Sometimes, I imagine if they could fall on me also, but it's just an imagination so. I find myself so frustrated and wanting, but I think it's kind of a common to us. Seems that it will always be like a domino. I fall for them, they fall on the other, that's just how life goes on. There's just only a pinch of chance that the person you love will fall on you also.

Even if my mind always imagine that things that I would love to do with my loved ones, I still don't push my limit to be really the one for my love. Because I have this kind of feeling that I shouldn't be on that borderline. I have the feeling that if I push myself hard, something bad will happen. And I don't want that to happen of course. So, whatever you say and think, I think that being friends will be fair enough for me to handle. Although sometimes, I'm hurt when they are intimately with someone, but who am I to stop them. I'm just a mere friend, and so I thought it would be.

I can't help but to give them my unconditional love. I accept the fact that they will never fall for me. I just don't expect such things. Only God will be the one to decide, and I just have to wait and be patient. Even though my heart have been pierced, crushed, and have been broken. Still, it won't stop me for giving my love on them. Because that's just how my life goes on.

As what Johnny Depp said, "You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel."