24- What's On My Mind 2

November 23, 2015- 10:34 P.M
"What's on my random mind?"

So what's on my random mind tonight? Well, to be exact, I really don't know.
Somehow I got a feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Why do I feel like this?
I don't know. This is new to me and I think that I'm pushing myself to the limits.
My body suddenly wants to change by adjusting in the environment. Less touch, less hugs,
less focus of you. More time on self, more on time for everybody besides her. It's really
painful but I can't control myself from doing it. Just why my mind planned this? Without
the permission of my heart.

Time passed by, our hearts grew more distant with each other. Every time I see you, I want to hug or tease you.
But my body said I have to lessen it... so that
I will not be falling so hard on you, like what happen to my friend. Yes, I do really love you.
I'm so inlove that I wanted to do anything to make you happy... I'm ready and willing to
make myself look fool just for you.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/

During the APEC week, well of course we have no classes at that week. My best friend and I
had a long time chit chats and confessions. At that week, I discovered that she also have
fallen to a girl, but luckily that girl loves HER too. As for me, I got really happy and
relieved because I can now share anything about this feeling of mine to her. So I told
everything about us... about how did we meet, how on earth did I fell in love with you,
about how I survived those pain and jealousy every time that I got to see you with someone.

My best friend was amazed about the endurance and patience that I have. She said that if she
was in that situation, she'll probably die in pain. Well, I thank all those past experiences that
I've encountered, I can now control my emotions and learn from it. My best friend asked me, why
I can't confess my feelings to you. Well, it's because I'm scared about what will happen after that.
I know you're confused, but I still don't know if you could accept a feeling like mine. I don't want
to confess because I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared that you might hate me. I'm scared that we
might get awkward with each other, and I don't want THAT to happen. So I've decided that... I should

just keep this feelings of mine inside my heart and wait till it becomes a memory.