"Wala na...talo na talaga ako..."
...susuko na ang Oppa.
Gusto ko lang naman kung ano yung nakakapag-pasaya sa kanya. At wala rin naman ako sa posisyon para pigilan ang nararamdaman niya. Dahil hindi naman isang teleserye ito tungkol sa nanay na walang ginawa kundi hadlangan ang gusto ng anak.
Ang tangi ko lang magagawa ay ang suportahan siya sa kung anu man ang gusto niya... at alalayan sa oras na nalulungkot at nasasaktan siya, Yun lang.
Dahil napamahal ako... at hanggang dun lang yun...
Mapaglaro ang oras... at lalong-lalo na ang aking puso at isipan.
Pinaglalaruan ako ng tadhana... at pinapaasa...
Isang babae... na nasalinan nang kakaibang dugo, lumaki nang may gulo sa isipan... may sikretong hindi nalalaman ng kung sinuman... at may problemang mag-isa lang niyang pinag-dadaanan.
Lahat ng mga taong gusto niyang makamit ay parang isang nagliliwanag na bituin sa langit. Hanggang tingin na lamang ang ganda nito at hindi kailanman ito makakamit.
Kung tutuusin ay napakalaking problema na ito, at maaaring mahantong sa isang kamatayan. Pero paano niya nga ba nalagpasan ito? Paano niya nalalabanan ang kanyang lungkot at pighati?
....dahil meron siyang malasakit sa sarili niya at pati na rin sa ibang tao..
...dahil alam niya na darating ang solusyon sa harap niya....
... at walang sawa siyang naghihintay.
Pinilit niyang maging normal... pinilit niyang i-balanse ang sarili niya. Pinilit niyang maging kaaya-aya sa mga mahal niya sa buhay.
May mga nakakaintindi pero hindi alam ang rason... at may iba na alam ang rason pero hindi nakakaintindi..
Naisip ng babae na kahit anong klaseng paliwanag pa ang sabihin niya ay hindi pa rin nila maiintindihan, hindi pa rin nila mararamdaman, hindi pa rin nila tatanggapin...
...kaya natakot siya.... natakot siya sa katotohanan....
At hanggang ngayon...patuloy siyang nagtatago sa kasinungalingan. Napuno ang isip niya ng purong kasinungalingan...kahibangan.. kaya doon namuhay ang puso niya.
Ang babaeng walang sawang pinapakinggan ang mga lait ng tao, problema ng tao, pabor ng tao, galit at tampo ng tao... ay nabuhay na para sa ibang tao.
Ang babaeng nabigyan ng napakalaking pagsubok simula pa nung bata pa siya...
Hanggang saan kaya ang kakayanin niya?
Mamumuhay ba siya nang buhat-buhat ang lahat ng kawalangyaan na iyon?
....O may papasok sa buhay niya na makakapag-pabago sa ikot ng tadhana..
Ang babaeng naging mistulang prinsesa na naghihintay sa kanyang prinsipe.. at ang prinsipe na walang sawang naglalakbay para hanapin ang prinsesa niya.
Buhay ng babaeng nabubuhay sa kurong pantasya, sa payapang mundo pero magulong katauhan.
Hanggang kailan niya matitiis ang sakit?
Bibigay ba siya? O bibigat?
Saturday, June 11, 2016
Saturday, February 20, 2016
24- What's On My Mind 2
November 23, 2015- 10:34 P.M
"What's on my random mind?"
So what's on my random mind tonight? Well, to be exact, I really don't know.
Somehow I got a feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Why do I feel like this?
I don't know. This is new to me and I think that I'm pushing myself to the limits.
My body suddenly wants to change by adjusting in the environment. Less touch, less hugs,
less focus of you. More time on self, more on time for everybody besides her. It's really
painful but I can't control myself from doing it. Just why my mind planned this? Without
the permission of my heart.
Time passed by, our hearts grew more distant with each other. Every time I see you, I want to hug or tease you.
But my body said I have to lessen it... so that
I will not be falling so hard on you, like what happen to my friend. Yes, I do really love you.
I'm so inlove that I wanted to do anything to make you happy... I'm ready and willing to
make myself look fool just for you.
During the APEC week, well of course we have no classes at that week. My best friend and I
had a long time chit chats and confessions. At that week, I discovered that she also have
fallen to a girl, but luckily that girl loves HER too. As for me, I got really happy and
relieved because I can now share anything about this feeling of mine to her. So I told
everything about us... about how did we meet, how on earth did I fell in love with you,
about how I survived those pain and jealousy every time that I got to see you with someone.
My best friend was amazed about the endurance and patience that I have. She said that if she
was in that situation, she'll probably die in pain. Well, I thank all those past experiences that
I've encountered, I can now control my emotions and learn from it. My best friend asked me, why
I can't confess my feelings to you. Well, it's because I'm scared about what will happen after that.
I know you're confused, but I still don't know if you could accept a feeling like mine. I don't want
to confess because I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared that you might hate me. I'm scared that we
might get awkward with each other, and I don't want THAT to happen. So I've decided that... I should
just keep this feelings of mine inside my heart and wait till it becomes a memory.
"What's on my random mind?"
So what's on my random mind tonight? Well, to be exact, I really don't know.
Somehow I got a feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Why do I feel like this?
I don't know. This is new to me and I think that I'm pushing myself to the limits.
My body suddenly wants to change by adjusting in the environment. Less touch, less hugs,
less focus of you. More time on self, more on time for everybody besides her. It's really
painful but I can't control myself from doing it. Just why my mind planned this? Without
the permission of my heart.
Time passed by, our hearts grew more distant with each other. Every time I see you, I want to hug or tease you.
But my body said I have to lessen it... so that
I will not be falling so hard on you, like what happen to my friend. Yes, I do really love you.
I'm so inlove that I wanted to do anything to make you happy... I'm ready and willing to
make myself look fool just for you.
 |
| https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/ |
had a long time chit chats and confessions. At that week, I discovered that she also have
fallen to a girl, but luckily that girl loves HER too. As for me, I got really happy and
relieved because I can now share anything about this feeling of mine to her. So I told
everything about us... about how did we meet, how on earth did I fell in love with you,
about how I survived those pain and jealousy every time that I got to see you with someone.
My best friend was amazed about the endurance and patience that I have. She said that if she
was in that situation, she'll probably die in pain. Well, I thank all those past experiences that
I've encountered, I can now control my emotions and learn from it. My best friend asked me, why
I can't confess my feelings to you. Well, it's because I'm scared about what will happen after that.
I know you're confused, but I still don't know if you could accept a feeling like mine. I don't want
to confess because I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared that you might hate me. I'm scared that we
might get awkward with each other, and I don't want THAT to happen. So I've decided that... I should
just keep this feelings of mine inside my heart and wait till it becomes a memory.
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