23- The Life of Being Gray

"Being gray is being neutral in life, often to point of being indifferent."

Life nowadays can be compared in many different things. It can be compared to a color, food, people, event, place etc. As we can see, life has so many metaphors, that's why being alive has been very interesting so far.

One of the metaphors of life is colors. As what the others said, colors gives life to people. Colors gives the utmost meaning or definition of life. Our favorite colors gives the meaning of our life. Bit what if your favorite color is colorless? Gray to be exact. Is gray considered as a color at all? Even if gray means colorless, no life and boring?

Well whatever people may say, I still love gray. Because gray was the only color whom I'm compatible with. Gray has the true definition of my life. A mixture of white and black colors, symbolizing my light and dark personalities, turning to a very boring person. My life has been very gray until now. I've been very confused about myself. I still don't whose the real me and those people around me. No one knows whose side am I. No one knows the 'real' me; even my parents don't know. Only God knows.

According to the website 'empower-yourself-with-color-psychology', gray means being motionless and emotionless. Being stable, calm and subdued. Gray shows neutrality, it doesn't take sides. Being neutral sometimes makes gray be indifferent with others. But tries its best to enlighten and save others.

As you can see, the definition of gray was exactly the same as mine. It's creepy yet amazing. It's like, we really are meant for each other.

22- What's on my Mind?

October 11, 2015, Sunday, 1:37 A.M
"What's on your mind?" 

Since I can't sleep, I will just share to you what am I thinking right now.

To: That One Person Whom I Thinking About Right Now

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After watching such pleasurable videos, I stalk some of your pictures, account and blogs. I've read all our past conversations. Having to do all of these things got me realized that I really still love you. God knows how much I'm deeply inlove with you. This is not an effect of having insomnia, but it came truthfully in my heart. Thinking that you can't be mine and I can't be yours, my tears flows. Can't handle that simple yet harsh reality. "I wish I didn't met you, so that I won't be feeling this crappy feeling." But, it's too late. Who am I to decide the time and fate noh? Maybe God wanted me to feel this, to become more human. But going too afar from being human, makes me want to be just a dead corpse.

I don't know why am I crying because of you. I thought I have moved on from what you did to me, but I guess I'm still not. The pain of leaving me, the pain of tossing aside my feelings, still didn't removed in my heart and mind. Why is it so hard for me to erase you in my life? Do you use such nullification magic or any invisible magic or defense magic? Am I just being offensive? I doubt that.

I'm just a mere friend of yours, but your special one of mine. So I can't avoid the fact that I'm getting jealous when you're showing your kinkiness because of someone. I'm mad to that person whose making you feel somehow intimate. I envy your best friends. Those people whom you always brag have marked in my mind, and mind my always says, "How lucky those low-life creatures are. Having to join the Supreme Being everytime. It must be a heavenly feeling." 

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I don't want you to be with them. I want you to be with me, you're all mine, is what I want to say. But I have limitations. Stepping aside beyond the borderline is very risky, that's why I know my limits.

You've broke too many promises and told many promisory excuses. It's very exasperating but I still accept each and those because I love you. Even if you don't loved me back, I still continue on loving with you, just why am I like this?

I always think if this world is at fault or it's just me thinking so deeply because it's the effect of 2:00 A.M madness. Even now, I still feel the pain you've carved into me. You'll probably don't know why am I blaming you for all of this shiz. If you want to know the answer, search for it. You'll probably know if you started to get bored and reminisce some part of your life. Don't be bothered apologizing to me... Because since that day you left me, I... Have....F..***** Despised you. That's why don't try to apologize because it won't change anything, you can't reset the time. I'll make you feel the despair, the sorrow and loneliness I have felt since the day you left me.

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Mark my words... Is what I want to say but I'm just kidding, I'm not going that far. I'm just being a little dramatic though. But, it's true that I have despised you ever since. For 2 years, I have been suffering to your enormous power and effect inside me. In the 2 years of our friendship, you just tossed me around, and made me exchange for a rich ugly douchebag.

Now I'm getting sleepy. I do hope that this night will make me remove my anxiety and no sense feelings about you. But even if I despise you, I really want to say this things to you:

"Hey, you know that I really love you. I thought that it would be just a friendship feeling but I think my heart won't want that. I love you, I like you. I love all everything about you. You've made tell this far because....because you were so..."

So yah, that's all! Cheers to your cold feelings for me.

21- To The One That I Fell For

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"You.... Yes you. The one who made my heart flutter, who made me stuck staring at you, made me want to live again, and made want to die again."

"You got me frozen in my tracks. Why do you have such great effect in me but I don't have an effect to you? It's so unfair, it made me look like a fool."

"It feels like I'm craving for a food or a thing that is impossible for me to have one. I can't reach your gracefulness nor even your cloth (kidding). I'm like a shadow of yours, I'm always beside you but you never care, you cannot see what I see and feel what I feel."

"When I'm wide awake, you're no trouble sleeping. When I'm all choked up, you're okay. You don't even realize that one is still inlove while you're leaving.... Oh, I'm falling to pieces."

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"You left me with no love, no love to my name. But even if these things kept on repeating and happening in my life, I'm still alive and barely breathing. But I feel so lost, I don't know what to do. Each and everyday I think of you. Holding back the tears with all my might. Because you're gone and left me standing all alone, and I know I've got to face tomorrow on my own again."

"I shouldn't feel this way but agh... I don't know what to do with it. I always think "How can something so wrong, feel so right all along? How could the time be wrong for a love to came along? How can love let it go when it has no place to go?" I can't go along pretending that love isn't here to stay."

"I see you, beside me but it's only a matter of dream and a vision of what it supposed to be."

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"If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on the earth I could be, you'll see me...waiting.... for a shuttle bus to come and get away from you... JUST KIDDING!"

"Whatever it is you're doing right now, I do hope that you're happy with it. If you even need me for a good reason and purpose, then I'll be right here....waiting... For a shuttle bus to come and get away from you... Kidding again."

"Anyway, cheers to my warm feelings and your cold feelings!! ❤️

KANPAI !! (CHEERS!!)
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20- Best Pie

"Hey there, my beloved my bestfriend. How's your life going? I haven't seen you and talk to you for a months already. I miss you so much. 

"We were in our Kindergarten days when I first saw you. We didn't talk that much because you're so quiet and awkward... One year have passed and we became grade schoolers."

"As far as I can remember, our friendship started because I gave you a one sheet of paper. I really thanked the odds for that one sheet of paper though."

"I didn't even expect that we're neighbors. How small the world could be? I never knew that fate would want us to be more close. But I've never ever regretted that you came to my life to become my best friend."

"You're so cool in many different aspects. You're sociable, playful and funny. You look boyish, but you have the heart of a maiden."

"We're complete opposites actually. You're a little bit short, I'm tall. You're white, I'm brown (black is too much). You're pretty, I'm cute lelz. You're an extrovert, I'm an introvert. You're thin, I'm sexy lololololol.... Just kidding. But you know, being complete opposites was a good thing because we easily know the things that we should improve. All of these things were the reason why we became a perfect duo."

"We are a strong duo. No one could stop us nor win on us. We have the strongest bond than anyone else. Long distance and studies was not an option to end our friendship."

"Even if we don't see each other sometimes, you'll always remain in my heart and in my mind. And I do hope that you'll do the same thing."

"I'm very thankful to God that you became my friend and oh! We became the sweetest and the bestest pie in the world!!! "

"I hope that you'll stay the same and I wish that our friendship will last much stronger than before! I love you and I miss you. I hope to meet you and talk to you soon. Cheers!! 😁👏❤️

19- A Message For Goldilocks

"Hey there, Goldilocks. You're so sweet in every aspects, that's why many people loves you including me."

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"When I first saw you, I really thought that you're a foreigner because of your unusual cool curly hair. Before I could greet you, it took me 5 minutes to gather up my courage (because I'm bad at taking initiatives). We've shake hands, we smile with each other and greeted ourselves with 'Hi'."

"We had our first dinner and first conversation in the lounge. And in that time, I realized that you're not a full-pledge or even a half foreigner. You’re a Lucena girl, ‘laking- probinsya’ and yet you’re so rich lol! I remember our first conversation was all about being homesick and missing the homemade cooking of our mothers. You’re so easy to talk with, you’re very approachable also. You’ve even told us about your love life and its hardship.”

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“What I like about you is that you’re very approachable. You’re very open in any kind of conversations and you’re very charming too. You have a great and awesome taste when it comes to fashion and stuff (I think?), so do at the foods also. I also like the way you sing (I'm not being sarcastic here), you're voice is so adorable (pampa-good vibes) even if it's out of tune (lol, I'm sorry)."

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“Behind the cute, beautiful and adorable face lies the very deep craziness and naughtiness of your attitude. I have a lot of evidences to prove that you’re really crazy, but despite that, I still enjoy being with you. Your craziness is also infectious, that’s why we’re so noisy at the room sometimes. To be honest, sometimes I get scared (not literally) when you're 'high' or energetic, made me thought "Oh no, here she comes again." but I didn't mean that in a bad way."

Cutie :3

"You've become my teacher in LRT's and MRT's, in fashion, in malls and lots of stuff. I've learned a lot and I've discovered a lot of things because of you and I really thank you for that. It's very disturbing for me when I see you depressed or sad, because I'm used to see you being cheerful and jolly. It's more comfortable and soothing to see you smile, to hear you laugh, to make you happy." 

"We do have a little arguments sometimes, but I'm really thankful that it's not that worst. I apologize that I'm being rude and weird sometimes (or maybe always). I'm sorry for teasing and bullying you? for being small (lol). But you know, even if you're small, you're so strong. You're a strong-willed person, I could even sense justice on you. You're so innocent that it makes me really feel guilty when I'm thinking about green stuffs." 

"I do hope that you'll stay the same we we're to meet in the future. Don't forget me when the time comes that we will part ways. I won't forget you until my last breath (hanudaww? hahaha), and I do hope that you'll do the same thing (but I'm not forcing you to do so). Stay pretty, awesome, beautiful, crazy, and strong! Cheers! 

18- Eat, Sleep, Work, Dance

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“This post is for my beloved girl. Hey there, busy girl. What’s up? You’re the second girl I’ve met in college lol. You arrived late, never got a chance to know you better at that day. "Wow, she's really thin (not sexy lol)". That's my first impression to you. When I compare my thighs to yours, I got a little bit guilty." 

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 "I remember the first day, you're really a sleepy-head. Your cousin had a hard time waking you up. We still don't talk that much, because.. well of course it's the first day. But I did have the feeling that you'll be really fun to be with. And yeah... it's true. You're really fun to be with."

"We had our first long conversation when we're eating at Shakey's. You've told us a lot about yourself and it's very interesting. You're so cool at that time... because you know how to order at a restaurant (hahahaha OA). I still don't know how to order so I felt really... hmm." 

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"What I like about you is that you're really eager on what you do (weehh hahaha!). That's the reason why I can't talk to you that much? in the room? I think? Hahahahaha! I'm not sure! Well, whatever. I also like your reactions and facial expressions when you heard some hilarious stories. Your laugh is really infectious (seriously!). You do look like crazy when you laugh, but even if you're like that, you still give energy and life in us." 

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"And of course, I won't also forget my admiration to you when you eat!! You're the first girl I've ever met that can finish 8 monays in 10 minutes!! You're crazy!! I could only finish 2 monays in 15 minutes!! You never get full, and that's so amazing!! If you we're to join in eating competitions, I'll seriously bet for you and I'm sure I will win!! Hahahaha!! Just kidding... but seriously you're amazing." 

"You're a tempter, yet a satisfier. A student, yet a dancer. A sleepyhead, yet hard-working. I'm glad that I've met someone like you. Don't forget me I beg. I'll support you on whatever you do. I'm sorry if I can't help you when you're depressed. I may not be a good adviser, but I'll try my best to be the best listener."  

17- That Endearing Girl

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"You're my first. But what I meant about it is that, you're the first one I've met since the start of the  REAL journey. When I first saw you, my alter ego said "Wow, she's chubby." and I know it's kinda offensive, and I apologize for that. Your mother was more sociable and talkative than you are, made me wondered if she's my companion. During those past times, we only greet ourselves with   'Good Morning' and 'Good Bye', 'Good Night' and 'Hi'.  We've been awkward for a little but then it didn't took that long. We started talking and chatting when we are completed. But we don't usually talk if we're the only two remaining." 

"Me and your awesome blue blanket"

"I remember that night, that was our first long chat and it was all about ice cream cakes. Ever since that night, we've been continuing to deepen our friendship. We already felt comfort and happiness with each other. And truth to be told, you're the first one to knew one of my 'deepest secret yet a problem'. It's quite comfy when we talk. You never ceased to amaze and entertain me. I don't even get bored when we're together. It's like we didn't talk for 5 years, we never run out of stories, experiences, problems (of course), and moments." 

"I like the way you tell your stories. I could feel that you're really honest (weehh). You never get angry but you're easily pissed, I like that also because it's cute (lol). You're so kind, because you always lend me a helping hand (school supplies though). I like your blue blanket that looks like a wizard's cape. I like your laptop slash tablet, and I also like your color pencils. For short, I only like your things and stuffs.... just joking."

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"But seriously, you're so kind and you've never been angry at me literally (I don't know if you don't like me emotionally). Your smile is so beautiful even if you're just faking it. Your hug makes me feel at ease. Your smell (I know I kinda looked like a pervert here) is so addicting, it's like you always bath with perfume or whatever things. You're a one of a kind simple girl with a gorgeous personality."  

Cutie :3

"I'm really thankful that I met you. I learned a lot of things to you and to other companions also. I'm sorry if sometimes you don't really get me at all, because I'm weird. I'm sorry if I always tease you and poke you and some other things, it's just that you're so fluffy (lol), can't get enough with you. If the time comes that we should part ways, I do hope that you'll never forget me. Just remembering my name will be enough for me. So that when we meet again in the future, there's no awkwardness between us."